Guns n' Roses - "Appetite for Destruction" (Geffen Records, 1987) [key tracks: My Michelle, Welcome to the Jungle, Paradise City, Sweet Child O' Mine]

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"Wake up late, "honey put on your clothes. Take your credit card to the liquor store." That's one for you and two for me... by tonight I'll be loaded like a freight train, flyin' like an aeroplane, feelin' like a space brain one more time tonight"

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Here it is, in all of its hessian glory. "Appetite for Destruction." 20 years ago, and a few months because I am running way late, this audio-kick-in-the-throat was released, and rock has never been the same. The second pic, the one with the robots and rape victim, was the original cover, which later was stuffed into the inner sleeve and replaced with the now famous G'n'F'n'R cross. Read on about the LP below.
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Carl's Favorite Songs - #34 - Fix Me by Black Flag

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The best thing to me about Guns n' Roses' debut LP was not that it was so freaking awesome, a true benchmark in rock and roll. It wasn't that it had so many hits, both popular and hard core. It wasn't the genuine and gritty street feel of the songs, or the incredible talent. It wasn't the unique voice, strange look, brutal lyrics, or legendary stage presence. Nope, to me what was most excellent was the way they instantly self destructed, becoming a cartoonish parody of both themselves and the rock and roll archetype.

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Axel became notorious for shooting off his mouth, throwing tantrums, getting into altercations, and showing up late. The whole band struggled with drug dependency and alcohol abuse. Their lives had until "Appetite" revolved around playing incendiary live shows, getting talked up by every talent scout in the rock and roll business, then going home and crashing with heroin, strippers, and whisky. The scouts went back, told the executives about how great they were, and how they know they would make a million, but it was agreed across the board that they were too volatile. It wasn't a question of IF but of WHEN they would explode into a million shattered pieces of wasted talent and opportunity.

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Finally the demand for hard rock and the untapped originality of G'n'R forced someone to make a move. Geffen signed them, cranked out the pinnacle of 80's rock and roll, and sat back and counted the cash. As soon as they came onto the scene, they were the reigning kings of rock. No one looked, sounded, acted, or played like them. Their songs were in movies, on MTV, and the radio. Before the songs were released as singles, pretty much everyone I knew already had the LP and had memorized it. By the time Paradise City hit the air (the fourth single, released a remarkable 2 years after the LP), the LP had already cemented itself into our minds as legend. It was, and is, up there with "Master of Reality," "Zoso/IV", "Back in Black", and "Dark Side of the Moon." It was a must have, must listen. And 20 years later, you can still listen to every song, no matter how overplayed ("Sweet Child o' Mine") or how ridiculous ("Rocket Queen"), and it still rocks. Beginning to end... the best hard rock album ever. Or, if you like superlatives, the Zepplin "Zoso/IV" of our generation.

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Then just as soon as they came, they went. They couldn't handle the attention and fame. The money and sudden adoration just made more opportunities to get into trouble, or to become pissed off. By the time the "hold on, we're making them work" EP "Lies" was released, fans were pretty impatient. The half-old material/half-acoustic B-sides album woudl have been the death of them if it wasn't for "Patience." Then there was a long, quiet intertestamental period where they released a couple new songs ("Knockin' On Heaven's Door" and "Civil War"); but in actuality it was ages before the 2 LP train wreck of mediocrity and smug self-importance "Use Your Illusion Vol. 1 and 2." Throw in an embarrassing EP of garbage called "The Spaghetti Incident" and you have a candle that burned twice as bright for half as long. Die hard fans are still waiting for the second coming, the elusive "Chinese Democracy" which is basically just Axel and whoever his ego hasn't chased off, and which may never actually be released.

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There you have it. It was the Holy Grail of modern hard rock, and yet it was also the eulogy to a street-level anomaly. I did lose one bet however... Axel Rose is still alive. I swore he would die before 2000. At least he looks dead, which makes me feel like I wasn't that far off. The saddest news of all was that rock and roll still has yet to offer up an "album" experience to match. 20 years, and nothing close. The only candidates are Nirvana's "Nevermind," Radiohead's "OK Computer," and U2's "Achtung Baby"... none of which added anything new to rock, and all were niche/genre hits (and to be honest, all but "OK..." have wore thin). If Coldplay is all rock has left to offer, then send me back to 1987.

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Horn's up.